


Connor Sets a Fire

by DisappointingGay



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: And Failing, Connor set a fire, Fluffy, M/M, Pure, Unedited shit, and he burned down the strip mall, he lit a garbage can on fire, i guess?, no he didnt, suitable for my good Christian household, teaching evan Basic Life Skills
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 03:20:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13379031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DisappointingGay/pseuds/DisappointingGay
Summary: Based off of a true story. Not my true story, my cousin’s story, but still. Fun.





	Connor Sets a Fire

“Ev, I’m asking you this wholeheartedly- how the fuck do you get to be 17 and /not/ know how to light a match?” Connor had a look of confusion and wonder on his face. 

Evan blushed and wrung his hands. “I-I know how to light a match, Connor, I just don’t know how to use one of the little bookie things.” He meant the flimsy paper books of twelve you got from hotels and fancy restaurants, with matchsticks made of cardboard. 

Jared snorted, taking another swig of whatever hell-originated drink he had concocted- a mixture of Red Bull, Diet Dr. Pepper, and lemonade- from a bright-pink, LA Zoo water bottle shaped like a tiger. “Yeah, Hot Topic, you’ll find that Acorn here isn’t such the pyromaniac.” On the word ‘Acorn’, he slung his arm around Evan’s shoulder. 

“Well, do you want me to teach you?” Evan picked at his cuticles. 

“U-Um, yeah, sure, Connor.” Jared, again, snorted. 

“And where the fuck will you be lighting this match? Its midnight on a Sunday, and we’re outside of a-“ He paused, looking up at the sign above him “A fucking Sharky’s Woodfired Mexican Grill.” He chuckled harshly.

Connor rolled his eyes. “Who said anything about lighting a fire? I’m lighting a match, not starting a Smokey-the-Bear-Scale incineration.” He licked his lips. “Whaddya say, Hansen? Let me show you how to do a basic adult life skill that you should have learned when you were like ten.” Evan nervously nodded his head. 

“Y-Yeah, I guess, as-as long as you can promise me that you’re not going to light a fire or something.” Connor laughed. 

“Me? Starting a fire?”Jared piped in right after him. 

“It’s more likely than you think.” 

—-

“Okay, Hansen, so, you take the booklet like this, right?” He had taken out a book of matches from his back pocket- “420 blaze it, my amigos.” “Stuff it, Klienman.”- and opened it. 

“Yeah, Cthulhu Lord of Darkness, impart upon us your smokin’ sizzlin’-“

“Just- Just shut the fuck up, Klienman. What the fuck did you even call me?” 

“Cthulhu Lord of Darkness, a demon/god motherfucker of sorts. Tentacle-y guy, pretty much like you. I see the resemblance, don’t you?” 

Evan, in a rare moment of not-giving-a-shit-ness, agreed with a smirk. “Yeah, Connor, actually, I see the resemblance.” Jared snorted. 

“Yeah, especially if you get it from this angle.-“ He tilted his head to the side, like the cat that got the canary. 

“Oh, yeah, you’re right...”

“Hey, dinguses one and two? You want me to show you morons how to light a fucking match, or keep fan-boying over Undertale.” 

Jared faked an insulted gasp. “Wha-a? Connor, my Weed Boi, my Weed Bro, how are you call a Lovecraftian creature- A title creature, mind you- a character from fucking Undertale?” Connor rolled his eyes. 

“This is a ridiculously large amount of time to spend on me teaching you how to light a match. Look-“ He squeezed the booklet over the match and pulled, watching the flame burst to light in front of their eyes. 

“Fire, boom. Magical. Just squeeze the striker papery thing over the chunky end of the match and pull.” Connor licked his finger tips and pinched the flame, it extinguished with a hiss. “Here, you try it.” He tossed the booklet to Evan, who struggled to catch it. 

“Butterfingers. Try not to light up the entire fucking strip mall, Acorn. Jesus.” Evan glared at Jared. 

“Very funny, Jared.” He pulled open the booklet with shaking hands, folding down and ripping out a match. 

“L-Like this?” Connor nodded in affirmation, smiling lightly.

“Yeah, Hansen. Here, just-“ He moved his hands to cover Evan’s, helping his fold the book over. 

“Gay” Jared smirked, looking like the cat that got the canary. 

“Okay, Hansen, just pinch it around the chunky bit, and pull it.” Evan nodded, following his instructions. 

He struck the match, watching with wonder as it swelled to life with a bright flame. “O-Oh, look! I-I did it!” They watched smugly as he smiled in excitement. 

“Yeah, wow, you can make fire. What’ll happen when you find out what mixing that with the lumpy metal will do?” Evan glared at Jared. 

“Stuff it.” Evan spoke as bravely as he could, feeling endowed by holding fire. Connor was looking warily at the match. “Um, Ev, maybe put it out?” Evan perked up, suddenly remembering that /fire burns/. 

“O-Oh, right. Um.” He tried to copy what Connor had done, wetting his fingers and pinching the flames, but- “Ow!” He hissed in pain, dropping the match on the concrete. “Shit! I-uh-“ Connor crushed the match under his boot. “S-Sorry.” 

“Don’t worry about it, Hansen. Here, I’ll show you. Your problem is that you’re too slow, look-“ He struck another match, licking his fingers to show Evan. 

He was holding the matchstick upright, the flame slowly moving down the wood. “So, the trick of it is to just be fast, right? Just pinch it real quick, like this-“ His fingers squeezed the flame, but he did something wrong, because- “Ow! Shit, fuck, motherfucker-“ He waved the flame through the air, but it didn’t extinguish, and the flame was getting closer to his fingers, so he dropped the matchstick-nay, he /thrust/ the matchstick down. 

Into a garbage can. 

He was hoping that somehow the flame would just go away, on it’s own, but /N O P E/, because the metal can roared with fire. A massive flame burst out, and Connor screamed like a baby. 

Jared started snorting with laughter, Evan yelped, and Connor freaked out. 

He ripped off his sweatshirt, trying to fan the flames, to make them go out, but that didnt work, because /of course/ it didn’t, in fact, it just made the flames larger. 

“Shit- Hot Topic, you’re just making it worse-“ Connor shrieked as the flames /fshoomed/ bigger, and grabbed Evan by the arm as hard as he could and /ran/. 

“Jared! F-fuck, lets go!” Jared ran after them, hooting with laughter as the cold air whipped his skin, Vans sneakers slapping the concrete with resounding claps. 

It was exhilarating, running away from a garbage can fire that they started in the cold summer air. 

“C-Connor, you, you started a fire!” 

“Well, it was on the bucket list. Starting a fire, I mean.” 

Evan sighed jovially. “Connor Murphy, starting a fire.” 

Jared smiled, this time less smug, and more as if he had friends, people he would have crazy stories to tell his cousins at the holidays. “It’s more likely than you think.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked that! Kinda dumb, but fun to write. Not really proofread, so be an annoying little grammar ho if i screwed something up. 
> 
> Stay safe, kiddos.


End file.
